


In The Eye of a Hurricane

by hamilwhaaa



Series: In The Eye of a Hurricane [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Attempted Suicide, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-09-02 01:07:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8645275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamilwhaaa/pseuds/hamilwhaaa
Summary: Hamilton and Jefferson have been assigned the same room in their freshman year of college. What follows will change their lives forever.





	1. A New Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Just a few quick things: this is going to be a longggg fic, not sure how many chapters yet though, I'll try to get chapters out as quick as I can, Jamilton is endgame, but there is going to be other relationships, I'll update the tags as I go, and feedback/kudos are very appriciated. Enjoy!!
> 
> _**BETAS!**_ \- I currently do not have anyone to beta this fic so if you're interested in helping me out message me on my tumblr!

 

For the first time in his life, Alexander Hamilton had a place he could call his own, kind of. He stood in front of his new dorm room, double checking that he had the correct room. 236. In clear print on the paper he held in his hand and in thick grey letters sticking out from the door in front of him, with one addition to the door, a gold star with “T. Jeffs” written elegantly in purple ink in the center. That must be his roommate. Alexander took one more deep breath before reaching out for the handle and opening the door swiftly. He stepped in and looked around room making mental notes as he did so. It was small, not much room for privacy. It supplied only one desk which appeared to already be taken by “T. Jeffs”. Alex’s eyes drifted over to his new roommate’s side of the dorm. His bed was draped in smooth, purple silk and made up with matching pillows, managing to make a dorm bed look elegant. On a small table near his bed was a record player and underneath a massive collection of classic jazz music. It wasn’t quite Alexander’s speed, but he certainly couldn’t complain. Alex was beginning to think he would really be able to get along with his new dormmate, that was until his eye landed on a book entitled, “The Anti-Federalist Papers” laying among the other man’s belongings. It wasn’t that Alexander was intolerant, he was just passionate and when people didn’t agree with him he could tend to get a _little_ hotheaded. Nevertheless, he could find a way to deal with an utterly wrong roommate, or maybe he could change his mind, or maybe “T. Jeffs” doesn’t even agree with the book. His train of thought was interrupted with a loud cough.

A man much taller and better dressed than Alexander now stood in front of him, perfect ringlets of hair fell on the man’s face out of the mass of fluff on his head. He had the fullest lips Alexander had ever seen and the smuggest smile stretched across them when he asked, “Are you just going to stare or will you introduce yourself?”, The words dripped out of the man’s mouth coated in a thick southern drawl and Alexander already hated him, but since he didn’t have a chance at being reassigned until the semester he stuck out his hand and replied.

“Alexander Hamilton”, the other man took his hand and completely enveloped it with his own soft, smooth hands.

“Nice to meet you Alexander, I’m Thomas Jefferson” he dropped his hand and moved past the smaller man to his bed, “Making yourself at home I see”. He nodded his head over to the mess that Alexander had already made on his side of the dorm when his tossed his bags haphazardly onto his bed.

“Oh”, Alexander removed his hands from his oversized hoodie and did his best to organize the items quickly.

The other man raised an eyebrow and chuckled. Alexander furrowed his eyebrows and spun around quickly, Thomas simply continued talking, “So, Alexander, why don’t I give you a little tour?”

“I thought you were a freshman too?”

“Oh I am, I’ve just been here for a couple of days already. I’ve got a feel for the place”, Thomas flashed a quick grin and sat up from his bed. Alexander only stared at him as he began to walk toward the door. Thomas turned as he reached the door frame, “Are you coming?”, Alexander didn’t know it was possible to sound so sarcastic, still he rushed up to follow Jefferson out the door.

Thomas showed Alexander almost the entire campus, however only the places Alexander knew he’d be at a lot stuck in his mind. The library, it had more books than Alexander had seen in his entire life in the foster care system, then there were the several buildings where Alexander’s classes were to be held, and finally, the park, Alex spent so much time writing he knew he’d have to go outside to do it sometimes.

“So, what do you think?”, Thomas inquired of Hamilton when they returned to the dorm.

“It’s incredible, it’s really amazing”, Alexander breathed out as he flopped onto his unmade bed.

Thomas walked over to his desk and plopped down into a swivel chair, straightening himself out before opening up his laptop and typing away at something, Alexander didn’t bother to ask what he was doing, but he seemed to be enjoying it by the fondness that seemed to be exuding from the man.

* * *

 

Classes begin and all is well for the first week, Alexander has made some friends, he’s on top of his school work, and nothing has happened between Thomas and him (excluding the daily arguments and the unrelenting tension that hung in the air at all times). Well, until one particular Sunday night. Alexander is working furiously on an essay about immigration while Jefferson reads and sips away at some tea, that’s when it begins to rain. At first, Alexander only looks up, he can handle a little rain, but as the storm grows and Thomas is turning off the lights and begging Alexander to turn off his computer, he begins to get nervous.

Thomas falls asleep without a word to Alexander and the small man scrolls through Twitter, picking fights with every troll he comes across, anything to keep his mind off of the wind that’s beginning to pick up outside and the trees that scrape up against the dorm walls as a result. Thomas awakes in the middle of the night to a crack of thunder and the subsequent whimper that seems to come from Hamilton.

“Alexander?’’, Thomas croaked out, slightly annoyed as he turned onto his side to face him.

Alexander sniffs the snot back into his nose, a sound which makes the southerner’s skin crawl, he wipes the tears off of his face the best he can before making his best attempt at sounding like he hasn’t been bawling his eyes out for the past two hours.

“Um,y-ya?”, between the sniffling and the shaking, Hamilton’s efforts at sounding fine were thwarted. He silently cursed himself for sounding so weak to Jefferson and hoped that the man wouldn’t use this against him. What he heard come from across the room surprised him.

“Are you okay?”, it actually seemed as if there was a tone of worry or compassion in Jefferson’s voice, something that contrasted starkly with his usual sarcastic manner. At the expression of his concern, Hamilton wanted nothing more than to curl up beside the man at the other side of the room, even if that man was the same obnoxious, arrogant, asshole whom he quarreled with on a daily basis, whether it was in the classroom (where they often had to be separated) or in the dorm room (where the approaching end of semester was the only thing that kept Alexander from punching Thomas square in the jaw). And as much as it pained him, Jefferson roused himself up to his elbows and asked again, “Alexander, are you okay?”

“No”, Alexander choked out in a sob. He wanted to stop the flow of tears and the painful ache in his chest but he was helpless.

“Shh, What’s wrong? You have to talk to me”, Jefferson stayed put in his bed looking worriedly at his roommate, but his words seemed to float across the room and wrap Hamilton in warmth. He didn’t know why, but as usual words began to flow rapidly from his mouth, except this time Alexander wasn’t passionately arguing about government policies, he was spilling his life story to someone he had never agreed on anything with. Before the two men even knew it, it was four in the morning and they had somehow coaxed each other into a conversation in which Jefferson learned that Hamilton had been abandoned by his father leaving only him and his mother, who was later killed when the boat carrying her back to America from the islands of the Caribbean (where she was volunteering) was shipwrecked in a hurricane and he was forced into the foster care system. Thomas figured that that was why Alexander was so afraid of storms and proceeded to tell him more about his own life. Jefferson revealed that he had been born into a wealthy farming family in Virginia and that he was poised to take over the business after college as his father had died when he was younger.

“-that’s why I’m majoring in Business Management”, he admitted. The smaller man looked perplexed.

“But I’ve seen you working on PoliSci essays?” Hamilton questioned, his body releasing some of the tension at the realization that it was only sprinkling light rain drops now.

“Well, I have a double major in the two. I really want to be involved in politics, make a real change”, Jefferson said this so easily and earnestly he wondered why he and Hamilton hadn’t talked like this before. Then Hamilton opened his mouth.

“Seeing as any changes you would make at any level in the government would be detrimental to the success of this fine country, I pray I never live to see your candidacy”, Alexander spit out these words like they were fire and shocked himself at the brashness, when Jefferson talked about making a difference through politics, it was the only time he had ever agreed with the man and he went and ruined a nice moment with his big mouth.

The two men didn’t say much after that, and before long they were both sound asleep and the rest of the storm passed without event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately the link for my tumblr at the top does not work _so_ [here is a link to it that hopefully does work!](http://dioptics.tumblr.com/) :D


	2. The Continental Café

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamilton goes to lunch at the Continental Cafe. (spoiler alert: he has a giant crush on Eliza).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for actually reading this fic! This chapter is a little bit of a filler, but don't worry things are gonna shake up next chapter.  
> I _still_ don't have a beta for this fic so if you want to help out please **[message me on my tumblr](http://dioptics.tumblr.com//)**

 

The next day, Alexander awoke the beeping of the microwave he and Jefferson shared. He groaned and attempted to force his way deeper under the cover of his blankets. Then he remembered it was Monday , he has class

“What time is it?”, Hamilton’s eyes are wild as they dart around the room searching for a clock that didn’t exist. Jefferson looked over out of the corner of his eye as he pulled his minute mac and cheese out of the microwave.

“Nine, wh-“, Alexander cut the other man off with a loud thump as he fell off his bed, attempting to get untangled from his sheets. Finally, Hamilton emerged from the blankets with his phone in hand, buzzing with messages from his friends.

 **From My Dearest:** _Where are you Alexander??_

 **From My Dearest:** _You better be making out with Eliza or something_

 **From My Dearest:** _I’m taking notes for you (you’re welcome)_

Alexander breathed a sigh of relief and texted Angelica back that he had just overslept, then looked through the rest of his messages from last night and typed quick replies.

 **From John** **:** _are we still on for lunch tomorrow_

 **From John:** _alex?_

 **From John:** _aaaallllleeeexxxxxx_

 **To John:** _sorry <3 we are definitely still on!_

 

 **From Eliza:** _Hey Alexander!_

 **From Eliza:** _we’re still going to lunch right?_

 **To Eliza _:_** _ya of course! Is it ok if John tags along??_

 **From Eliza:** _Ya, can Maria come too then?_

 **To Eliza:** _Maria ?_

 **From Eliza:** _Maria Reynolds, I thought you met her before?_

 **To Eliza:** _ohh, ya of course she can come_

Alex looked up from his phone to see Thomas looking down on him, eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese. He stood up and still had to look up to see the man.

“Hey Thomas”, Alexander said quickly before squeezing past him to grab his shower bag.

When Alex returned from his shower he found his dorm room empty, much to his surprise. He figured Jefferson was out with his friend, James Madison, who seemed to be his only friend, even then Hamilton couldn’t fathom how such an intolerable man had _any_ friends. He plopped down onto his unmade bed, before realizing that his hair was still dripping wet.

“Crap”, Alexander mumbled to himself, still he made no effort to get up.

“Crap.” Thomas’s eyes went wide and he dropped the bags he held in each hand. “I-I’m sorry, I’ll just-“

Hamilton scambled to his feet as quickly as he could, trying to preserve any dignity he had left. However, now the taller man could see both his front and his back, Jefferson did his best to avert his eyes but for some reason his view seemed to be stuck on the other man.

Finally, Alexander had made his way into a pair of baggy jeans that he was pretty sure were dirty and an old worn t-shirt that he had had for years. It would have to do. He grabbed his phone and turned to face the door.

“Alexander that does not match at all”, Jefferson voiced his attempt at making things normal after what had just happened.

“What do you mean?” the small man faced the Virginian, but could not meet his eyes. “Jeans match with everything!”

Thomas looked Hamilton up and down while he replied, “No, no they do not.”

Alexander felt his cheeks heat up at the realization that Jefferson was staring at him.

 “ _Did Thomas like what he saw? Or did he think that I’m ugly? Fat? Why do I even care?”_ , these thoughts flooded his mind and caused his face to become even more red.

“Ale-“ Hamilton cut him off with a prompt goodbye and rushed out of the door.

Jefferson picked up his bags and took a seat at his desk to begin working on some essay he was sure was important, but the harder he tried to focus, the more the image of Alexander’s naked body popped into his mind. He dismissed it as the shock of seeing his roommate in that state. _Still,_ something wouldn’t sit quite right in Thomas, like his stomach had been twisted up into knots.

Alexander walked down the street at a brisk pace, as if walking faster would help rid him of the embarrassment that Thomas _fucking_ Jefferson had seen him like that. He wondered if Thomas had noticed him blush or if he would use the situation against him the next time they went toe to toe. With all of the thoughts rushing around his head, Hamilton almost didn’t notice when he arrived at the Continental Café, where he was due to have lunch with John, Eliza, and Maria. When Alex stepped into the restaurant he spotted Eliza waving him over with Maria Reynolds at her side.

“Alexander!”, Eliza exclaimed as she wrapped her arms tightly around the man in an embrace that was more suited for lover than two friends who were pretty newly acquainted.

“It’s nice to see you,” Hamilton could feel his heart practically beating out of his chest as he pulled away from Eliza and turned to face her friend. “And it’s nice to meet you, Maria.” He stuck out his hand, rough and calloused from constantly writing, it was met with a soft, small hand and a slight nod. Alexander was ready to sit down when he heard a voice from behind him.

“Alex!” John grabbed his hand and pulled him into a quick hug. John then proceeded to greet the ladies and take a seat next to Alexander.

Hamilton had met John, along with his other new friends Lafayette, Hercules, and Aaron Burr, at the closest bar to the school campus. Already, Alexander had joined all of them but Burr at protests against police brutality and club meetings about several other social issues. He found good, loyal friends in these men and considered himself lucky to have them.

John nudges a playful elbow into Alex’s side and teases, “So , how is being roommates with _Jefferson_ going?”

The women across the table giggled. It had spread quick and far that he and Jefferson despised each other.

“Ha Ha,” Hamilton joked back with so much sarcasm it rivaled that of the Virginian’s. “I actually started considering building a wall in between our beds.”

“So it’s really that bad?” Eliza asked as she reached for her drink.

“It really is.”

The rest of the lunch went on much like this, minus the talk about Jefferson, and Alexander found himself enjoying his friends company, especially Eliza.

“Wait, before you guys go, Maria what’s your number?”, Alex hoped his question didn’t give either of the ladies the wrong idea and quickly added, “Just in case we all want to hang out again, y’know.”

Maria read off her number while Alex tapped in into his phone and saved her contact as “Miss Maria Reynolds”. Then they said their goodbyes and Alexander left Eliza with a soft press of his lips to her hand.

Once again Hamilton returned to his dorm room, but this time it was occupied by Thomas Jefferson, engrossed in his phone, and smiling.

 “Who is it that you’re always texting and smiling about? I mean I know for a fact that your only friend is James Madison and even then wouldn’t just be better to go out and see him?”, Alexander shot off the question as soon as he walked into the room, immediately disrupting the peace that Thomas had been basking in.

“I’m not talking to James.” Thomas didn’t even bother to look up from his phone when he answered Hamilton.

“Well then who else could stand to-“

“You know Alexander, it really isn’t any of your fucking business.” Jefferson’s words came at Hamilton like sharp daggers.

“Geeze, who pissed in-“, again Alexander was cut off and the frustration of not being able to finish his thoughts was apparent.

“And if you really must know who I’m talking to, I have a girlfriend, Martha.”

“Oh, I- uh, nice,” Hamilton was actually shocked into silence, he had never considered that anyone but James could put up with Thomas, but that he had a _girlfriend_ , it seemed impossible.

Alexander stayed up late that night, writing of course, but also texting Eliza.

 **From Eliza:**   _Hey Alexander!_

 **To Eliza:**   _Hello_

 **From Eliza:** _What are you up to?_

 **To Eliza:** _Working on an essay._

 **From Eliza:** _Oh, what class?_

 **To Eliza:** _Not for a class actually, just something I’m doing on my own._

 **From Eliza:** _Isn’t the amount of work you already have enough?_

 **From Eliza:** _Alexander?_

 **From Eliza:** _Well I’m going to sleep, goodnight Alexander_

Hamilton had gotten pulled into his essay and forgot to reply to Eliza for about two hours.

 **To Eliza:** _Sorry, got too focused on my essay, goodnight Eliza_

“Jesus Christ Hamilton, it’s almost one in the morning go the fuck to sleep,” Jefferson’s gruff, sleep filled voice called out from across the room.

“Some people actually do work, Jefferson,”

“Mmhm”, accompanying this noise was a pillow that struck Alexander right in the face.

“Ouch tha-“

“Please, just go to sleep,” Jefferson flipped himself over to face Alexander. “Please.”

Hamilton couldn’t remember one time that Thomas had said please to him, so for once he listened. He saved his essay, shut down his computer and went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter, kudos and comments are very appreciated!


	3. The Girlfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What _does_ Thomas do all day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Jefferson to shake things up! Thank you thank thank you for the kudos and comments I appreciate it so so much!!!  
> Still no beta for this fic so if you want to help out in any way (or just want to say hi) message me on [my tumblr!](http://dioptics.tumblr.com/)  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Jefferson woke up how he does almost every morning, right on time, perfectly rested, and lonely. Yeah, Thomas had Martha, but she was _so_ far away. From New York, Virginia seemed a world away. Thomas had never dealt well with being alone, he should, considering that he was raised by a detached and uncaring mother, but he just _didn’t._ Martha was what held him together, she was the one good thing in his life, except for James and even then he couldn’t understand Thomas like she could. Back in Virginia, he and Martha spent almost every waking moment together, from the moment they met in high school they had an instant connection. He loved Martha more than anything and she loved him. So, when she hadn’t texted him good morning like she always did, Thomas was confused.

“What’s wrong? Are you rereading one of your essays?” The public nuisance, Alexander Hamilton was up, just like every morning, but still no text from Martha.

Hamilton spoke up again, snapping Jefferson out of his thoughts, “I _said_ are you-“

“I heard what you said Alexander.” Jefferson didn’t want to deal with Hamilton today, especially when he didn’t know what was going on with Martha.

“Oh I-“

“Just don’t Hamilton, not today.” On any other day, Jefferson would have loved to argue with Alexander about the content of his essays, but today he was worried about his girlfriend.

Thomas took care getting dressed, like he did every morning, it was one of the many things he prided himself on. But today, it was distracted care, and between checking his phone every minute for a text from Martha and Alexander’s incessant whining about whatever he was whining about, he had managed to put on two different colored socks. He knew he needed to change, but he also knew he had to be getting his coffee from the shop around the block in 15 minutes. He assured himself that nobody would notice and slipped out the door without a goodbye to Alexander.

Right on time, he grabbed his already made coffee, a small half-caff soy latte (caffeine made him shaky). He waved to Lafayette, the only one of Hamilton’s friends he actually knew and could get along with and the one who made his drink every morning, and headed out the door. Seeing Lafayette had him thinking of Hamilton, which honestly, he had been doing a lot of lately. He thought lots of things about Alexander, like that he’s obnoxious, rude, arrogant- the list in Jefferson’s head went on forever, but he wasn’t all bad, Thomas could see why he had so many friends. He was so deep in thought about Hamilton that he almost forgot about Martha. _Almost._ That was, until his phone chimed.

It was an email from his Business Management professor stating that class had been canceled. It worked for Jefferson, but now his thoughts were back on his girlfriend. He was so worried; he’d hoped that the message would have been her. This never happened, Jefferson was used to routine, uniform things and everything had been that way until- Alexander. From the moment he moved in Thomas’s life had been in disarray. From his sleeping schedule to walking in on him naked and now this. Not that Martha not texting him had anything to do with Hamilton of course and not that anything would be seriously wrong with Martha, just nothing made sense like it used to before meeting him.

Thomas decides it’s best to just go back to the dorm, pray that Alexander wasn’t there and if he was just pretend that he wasn’t, and wait for Martha.

“Well, hello Thomas,” Alexander had his face buried deep into an essay that he was writing at Jefferson’s desk, “I hope you don’t mind me using your desk, I just never see you doing any work on it anyways and-“

“It’s fine Alexander,” Thomas plopped down onto his bed and took out his phone.

“What are you doing back so soon anyways?” Hamilton still didn’t look up from what seemed like thousands of pages of writings.

“Class got canceled.”

The small man only mumbled in return, too absorbed by his essay to form an intelligible response. So, they sat in silence like that for a couple of hours. It seemed like days to Jefferson, but he was sure Alexander only felt minuets go by. Thomas swiped up and down his Twitter feed, something about Charles Lee complaining about the amount of work Professor Washington gives, another about some club meeting, and soon Thomas found himself refreshing, looking for anything to distract himself from just waiting. Then, out of nowhere his screen flashed to a picture of him and Martha smiling and his phone was ringing. Finally!

Jefferson’s fingers scrambled to hit the right button and put the phone up to his ear.

“Martha! I was so worried!” Thomas is sure she can feel his smile through the phone and he waits for her to respond, except the voice that answered back wasn’t Martha.

“T-Thomas is it you?,” a slightly unfamiliar voice with an accent almost thicker than his own asked.

“Miss Eppes?,” his voice faltered. “Y-Yes it’s me, what’s going on? Where’s Martha?” Jefferson’s heart was pounding, Martha’s mother had never answered her phone for her.

The woman on the other side of the line began talking, but all Thomas could hear was his pulse reverberating through his entire body. He picked up words, phrases. _Car crash. Drunk. Driving home. Dead on impact. Martha. Martha_. He hung up the phone.

A scream ripped through Thomas, but he couldn’t hear it. He couldn’t hear anything except a high-pitched ringing in his ears. Like the sound they use in movies after an explosion. But this wasn’t a movie. It was real. He couldn’t tell if he was crying or not at first, but when Alexander grabbed him by the arm, his face was a blurry mess, like Thomas was looking through a pair of glasses with the wrong prescription. He said something to Alexander, he could feel his mouth move, and then he could feel his legs moving and his arms reaching. Then he felt the cold biting at his skin. And then he didn’t feel anything.


	4. Death Doesn't Discriminate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Thomas handle losing Martha? Can Alexander handle Jefferson?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the nice comments and kudos! Don't forget that I have a [tumblr](http://dioptics.tumblr.com/) , feel free to message me, tag me in stuff, or send in asks! I hope you enjoy this chapter and any feedback is appreciated :)!

Alexander was snapped out of his focused state when Thomas let out a scream that shook Hamilton to his core. Immediately he turned towards Jefferson, he was shaking and crying and he was starting to stand up. Alexander quickly took the larger man by his arm, trying to get him to sit down, to talk to him, anything. Thomas looked Alexander right in the eyes. Thomas looked _scared._

“Martha is dead.” What Thomas said caught Alexander off guard enough for him to shake out of his grip and make his way out the door without Hamilton stopping him .

Thomas had already made his way down the short hallway and outside before Alexander caught up to him. The cold air stung his cheeks as he exited. He saw Thomas, a crumpled mess on the ground. He squatted down to Jefferson’s level and laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on Thomas,” he cooed to the man. “You’ll freeze out here.” He lifted Thomas up by the armpits, well he tried to. Jefferson got the hint that Alexander needed help and willed himself to his feet.

Once Thomas was standing, Alexander slipped his hand down the taller man’s forearm and intertwined Thomas’s fingers with his own. They walked hand in hand back to their dorm room and Hamilton gave Jefferson’s hand a little squeeze before letting him go and sitting him down on his bed. Alexander left him for just a second to retrieve the softest, largest blanket from his bed and then returned to sit down next to him, wrapping them both in the warmth.

Thomas Jefferson was still shaking despite the heat from Alexander’s body and he stared straight ahead.

“Thomas? Can you talk to me?” Alexander placed his hands on Thomas’s thigh, doing anything to try and sooth him.

Jefferson only shook his head in response and shrunk closer to Hamilton; Alexander didn’t pry, he knew how he had felt after he learned that his mother had died, he wouldn’t want to talk either. He shifted Thomas to his side, pulled the blanket over him and began to walk away, but the man laying on the bed grabbed his arm. His eyes spoke for him and Alexander found himself sleeping next to Thomas on his obnoxiously purple sheets for the night.

When Alexander woke up the next morning, Jefferson had wrapped himself around the small man. He gently pulled Thomas’s arms off of him and went into his “secret” stash of macaroni and cheese. He shoved the macaroni into the microwave and sat down next to the still sleeping Jefferson.

“Hey Thomas, it’s time to get up.” Alexander shook him by the shoulder gently as the timer for the microwave went off, this roused Thomas from his sleep and he sat up looking slightly confused.

The first thing he did was check his phone for a text from Martha. Then Jefferson remembered. His breath hitched in his throat and a shudder ran through his body.

“No, no Thomas look at me. It’s okay, let me go get your food,” Hamilton squeezed his shoulder as reassuringly as he could and stood to grab the mac and cheese.

Jefferson only stared at his food. On any other day, he would have instantly scarfed down the macaroni and then probably called Alexander his maid for making it, but today he wasn’t hungry and he wasn’t interested in making fun of Alexander either.

“Alex?”, Thomas croaked quietly. “I-I’m not really hungry.” Jefferson regretted being this vulnerable around Hamilton, but he couldn’t help it, the only person in the world that he loved was gone and Alexander was here.

Alexander patted Jefferson’s head, “It’s okay, we can try again later.”

He took the bowl from Thomas and tossed it in the garbage. When he returned to the other man’s bed, Jefferson had retreated back under the blanket. Hamilton could see him shivering and quickly joined him. Jefferson lets himself be held by Alexander and eventually he falls back asleep.

When Thomas awakens, his bed is empty. He sits up and sees Hamilton writing at his desk, at the sound of Jefferson moving he turns to face him.

“Thomas! You’re up, finally.”

Thomas glances at his phone for the time, it was already 7 at night and he had slept all day. But, oddly enough, Thomas just didn’t care. How could he? Everything he had cared about was _gone_.  Alexander noticed his shoulders start to sag and he rushed to his side.

“Hey Thomas it’ll be oka-“

Thomas felt all the emotions that he had had locked away come spilling out at once, _Martha is dead_ , and here Hamilton is trying to make Thomas feel like things were _normal._ Things would never be normal again, his whole world was gone, his _reason to live_ was gone.

“You’re not helping Alexander! You aren’t helping and you should just leave me alone!” Thomas was shaking and he was _hurting._ God, he was hurting so badly. The events of yesterday had finally sunken in and he couldn’t handle it. So, he took his emotions out the only way he could think to: on Hamilton.

Alexander was physically taken aback by Jefferson’s outburst. He knew that he probably didn’t mean it, that it was just his grief taking hold of him. Still, despite this, Alexander felt tears brimming in his eyes and before he realized what he was doing, he grabbed a jacket and stormed out of the dorm.

He didn’t notice at first, but Alexander was making his way towards Eliza’s apartment. He finally arrived at her doorstep and hoped that she wouldn’t mind him dropping by without any warning. He took a deep breath and knocked three times before taking a step back, Eliza answered the door, confused at first but as soon as she saw that it was Alexander she jumped to embrace him.

“Alexander!” Eliza pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, resulting in both of their faces to flush to a scarlet hue. “What are you doing here?!”

Eliza’s smile fell once she noticed the thick red lines running through the whites of Hamilton’s eyes.

“What’s wrong? Oh, come in, please.”

Alexander and Eliza settled in to her cozy living room, their legs touched and Eliza rested her hands on Alexander’s thigh. She repeated the question she had asked in the doorway and Hamilton spilled his emotions, relaying the events that had occurred in his dorm room.

“Oh, Alexander, I’m sure that Thomas didn’t mean it, he’s just hurting.”

Hamilton let out a sigh and stood up, beginning to pace around the room. “I just- I want to help him, I- I don’t know.” It wasn’t often that Alexander was left speechless, but here he was dumbstruck by Thomas Jefferson.

Eliza stood up beside him, resting her head on his shoulders and rubbing his arms reassuringly. Then, her heart skipped a beat and she drew in a breath sharply, she shook slightly.

“Di-Did you leave Thomas alone?” Her voice wavered and wouldn’t have been heard by Alexander had she not practically said it directly in his ear.

“Ya, but I don’t see what that has to do wit-“ The realization of what Eliza’s concern was made him shiver. “Oh my god.”

Hamilton raced back to the dorm in record time, leaving Eliza a hysterical mess struggling to find her car keys. He flung the door to the dorm room open. Thomas was sprawled out on the floor, face down in a pile of vomit, his body looked weak and contorted. _Oh God._ Alexander rushed to his side, he could see Thomas’s body moving up and down with every shallow, strangled breath he took. Eliza fumbled into the room. Everything after that was a blur to Alexander. He had begun violently sobbing at some point, so much so that Eliza had to make the call to the police. When the ambulance came, they had hauled Thomas off in a stretcher, Eliza followed after them.

Now, they sat stiffly in the waiting room in the hospital. _How could he have been so stupid?_  Alexander began to shake, _Thomas had just lost Martha, he should have never left him alone._ It was almost like Eliza could read his mind, just as he began to assault himself, she reached over to squeeze his knee.

“It’s not your fault Alexander. You know that, right?”

Alexander assured her that, yes, he knew it wasn’t his fault, but as the time dragged on he felt an ever increasing weight on his conscience.


	5. Satisfied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Alexander are reunited and Alexander spends some quality time with Eliza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness on this chapter,, life happened,, But, here it is in all its fluffy goodness! As always kudos and comments are incredibly appreciated,, and it would also mean a whole lot if you checked out my new angsty Lams fic [here on my tumblr!](http://dioptics.tumblr.com/post/155155938151/to-us) Anyways I hope you enjoy! :)

Alexander actually missed Thomas. The man had been gone for about a week now, and he missed the constant bickering that ensued whenever the pair were together. Plus, the dorm got lonely, so lonely that Alexander had been staying at Eliza’s apartment for the past few days. But, Thomas got back today so Alexander was waiting in their room. After what happened, Jefferson had to stay under strict watch until the doctors decided that he was safe to go home, today was that day, and Hamilton couldn’t have been more excited.

Alexander finally got the call that Thomas was all clear to be picked up, so he texted Eliza since he didn’t have a car of his own. The ride there was quick and Alexander practically ran through the doors when they arrived. Thomas was standing in lobby with a bag of his clothes that Hamilton had brought when he was first admitted, he soon dropped that bag when Alexander pulled him into a tight embrace. The taller man felt compelled to make one of his usual snarky comments, but Hamilton had saved his life, so he figured he’d cut him some slack just this once.

“You do know you saw me just the other day, right?” Thomas looked down and questioned Alexander, who actually looked cleaned up for once.

The short man blushed, it was true, he had visited Thomas as soon as the doctors said he could. Before Alexander said anything in reply, Jefferson said hello to Eliza who had just made her way in.

The three drove back to the dorm room, catching Thomas up on what important things he had missed on the way. When they arrived, Alexander invited Eliza in to stay for a while, but she insisted that she had to go home to study. That left Alexander and Thomas, each on their own beds, unsure of what to say to each other.

“So, are you and Eliza dating now?” Thomas asked as he fished his phone out of his bedside table.

Hamilton’s heart fluttered just at the mention of her name,” Ya, I really like her, I spent a couple nights at her place since you weren’t here.”

“Cool,” Jefferson meant to sound more enthused, but something about Hamilton gushing about his new girlfriend rubbed Thomas in the wrong way.

“So, do you wanna go do something?” Alexander questioned from across the room.

Jefferson looked up from his phone and swung his legs over the edge of his bed, “I was actually going to hang out with James, but you could come if yo-“

Alexander interrupted by accident, “No, that’s okay, I’ll just stay here and work on some stuff.”

Thomas was slightly annoyed at being cut off and for the first time in a while, things looked like they’d be going back to normal. 

* * *

 

After Thomas left, Alexander tried to work on some of his essays or even to relax and scroll through his phone, but he found himself disinterested in everything he did. He figured he might as well walk over to Eliza’s, it’d become a regular occurrence since they started dating and she usually didn’t mind if he stopped by unannounced. Hamilton made his way to the apartment in only a few minutes and he made his arrival known with three quick knocks. It took Eliza slightly longer than usual to answer the door, and when she did she was joined by Maria Reynolds.

“Hey! Maria! What a surprise!” Alexander pulled her into a quick hug, but she was stiff and pulled away prematurely.

“Nice to see you Alex, but I’m just going actually,” With that she slipped past Alexander and out of the door.

The man’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he engulfed Eliza into a loving embrace.

“Do I smell bad or something?” Both him and Eliza fell into a fit of giggles until they made it inside and collapsed onto the couch.

Eliza suggested that they watched Disney movies, which was something Alexander couldn’t object to, as long as they watched _The Princess and the Frog._

“Why that movie?!” Eliza once again erupted into laughter.

Alexander shrugged and squeezed Eliza, “I don’t know! I like the music!”

“Okay, okay fine,” Eliza stood to search for the movie.

Hamilton searched his brain for any other favorites he might have forgotten, and just as Eliza pulled out the case he shouted, “Wait! Actually can we watch _The Lion King_?”

Eliza let out an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes at him.

“Please! Please, Eliza! It’s my favorite!”

“Fine, fine,” Eliza dug out the new movie and found her way back to Alexander.

The pair sat, cuddled up on the couch, watching Alexander’s favorite movie, until they fell asleep. When they awoke, the TV was flashing a blue screen because the DVD player had shut off hours earlier, Eliza turned back on the regular cable and lowered the volume enough to not distract them. Alexander ran his hands through her straight, dark hair and she leaned back into his chest. They sat idly like that for some time, before Eliza sat up suddenly and turned to face her boyfriend. Their eyes locked and before either of them realized, they had closed the distance between each other and locked lips in a passionate, love filled kiss.

The kiss electrified Alexander, he felt almost like a lightbulb, but not like the harsh light of the fluorescent bulbs in his classrooms. More like the warm glow of an old, non-energy saving one. It was silly, he knew but he felt warm inside, he felt satisfied with Eliza by his side.


	6. Do You Yield?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander isn't sure of his relationship with Thomas and Thomas can't remember what happened at James's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~please check the updated tags, there is homophobic language in this chapter!~  
> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments!! And thank you for being patient with me with this fic! I appreciate everyone who reads this fic and it would mean so much if you would check out [my tumblr!](http://dioptics.tumblr.com/) Thank you and enjoy the chapter!

Thomas woke up in a bed that wasn’t his, reeking of cheap beer and weed. When he agreed to hang out with James, he didn’t know that his friend had let Lafaytte plan a party at his house that same night. So, Jefferson spent the night partying and trying to avoid bumping into the sweaty bodies of strangers who somehow knew Lafayette, well at least that’s how he _remembered_ spending his night. Some of the details were a bit fuzzy, but Thomas was a sensible man, even when under the influence.

The Virginian stepped over passed out bodies and empty beer cans, making his way out of the room without disturbing anybody. He quickly started his way over to his own room, which was only a few buildings away. The room was empty when he stepped in so he just assumed that Hamilton had spent the night at Eliza’s. _Good_. After Alexander found him that night he felt a growing resentment towards the man. _Why didn’t he just let me die?_ Thomas had been talking to therapists and doctors since he woke up, but the recovery was slow and it had only been a week since Martha died. He wanted to be with her, but Alexander took that from him.

It hurt too much to think about Martha so Jefferson was left looking for something else to do, anything to keep him occupied. His eyes drifted to his record player, Thomas wasn’t even sure if he had listened to one record since he’d started school. Jazz always helped him unwind so he set the needle down on _Kind of Blue_ , laid down on his bed, and closed his eyes. Thomas sat there for a long while, relaxing for the first time in a while. His peace was interrupted suddenly when Alexander barged through the door and slid into Thomas’s swivel chair.

“Thomas! Fuck, have you been drinking or something? I can smell it from over here,” Hamilton had started spinning himself around in the chair, _Thomas’s_ chair.

“I went to James’s-“

“Were you at Laf’s party?! Never took you for much of a partyer,” Alexander interrupted, eliciting an eye roll and sigh from Jefferson.

Hamilton ignored him and continued talking, “What is this music? I like it.” Now, he was drumming his fingers on the desk in front of him, like he was purposely trying to make Jefferson have a conniption. Thomas tried to block Alexander out, but his words just kept coming and coming. Finally, he swore under his breath, grabbed his coat, and stormed out the door.

 _What was that?_ Alexander wondered what he’d done to piss Thomas off so much, but he guessed that things were just going to go back to how they were before Martha died. It was a bittersweet feeling so he decided to call John and rant.

“Heyo Alex!” Laurens sounded bubbly as usual with his greeting.

“Hey John, “Alexander didn’t attempt to mask the frustration in his voice.

“What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

Alexander went into detail recounting the events that had transpired only minutes before.

John let out a chuckle before asking, “And you care because?! I mean don’t get me wrong but Jefferson is a total dick.”

Alexander sighed and ended the conversation as quickly as he could without being rude. John just didn’t understand, but then again neither did Alexander. As he sat, the only thing he could think about was John’s question, why _did_ he care? It wasn’t like Jefferson had ever done anything nice for him, aside from calming him during the storm. Plus, the guy’s political views were completely backwards, anything beneficial Alexander proposed was shot down immediately by Thomas. So, _why did he care?_

* * *

 

Thomas walked at a steady pace away from the dorm, away from Alexander. He made up his mind to go to the library, the one place he was guaranteed to get some quiet. Jefferson heaved open the giant glass door and found a secluded corner next to a large window. He began to think about Martha. How her curls had framed her face, the way she calmed Thomas down, her laugh. He noticed that he had started to cry, he also noticed people staring at him. A group of somewhat familiar faces had their phones trained on him, but as soon as they realized that he’d seen them, they resorted to snickering and whispering to each other. Thomas’s face flushed red with rage, he legs moved autonomously towards the group.

“What’s so fucking funny assholes?” Jefferson towered over each person, even after Charles Lee stood up.

“Well, it’s pretty amusing to see you crying in the corner after the state we saw you in last night,” Lee sneered, much to the amusement of the rest of his posse.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Thomas raised his voice before remembering he was in a library.

“Calm down, I’m just talking about the show you and Burr put on,” Charles poked his finger into Thomas chest.

Thoughts raced through Jefferson’s mind. _Him and Burr?_ Sure he didn’t remember much from last night, but he would certainly remember if he did anything with _Burr_.

“I’m not a fucking faggot, Lee. And you better check whatever you _think_ you saw before I break your goddamn nose,”

“You _are_ roomed with one,” Charles mumbled under his breath, not looking Thomas in the eye.

“Did you say something?” Thomas took a step forward and took Lee’s shirt into his fists. Charles only shook his head in submission and scurried away with the rest of his gang.

Thomas hurried out a minute after, hoping he would avoid any staff that was surely on their way up. He still hadn’t forgotten about what Charles said, he and Burr had put on a _show?_ Thomas wasn’t even sure exactly what that meant, but he got the picture clear enough. He and Aaron had fooled around, made out or something, and a lot of people had seen. Jefferson figured that he should call Aaron, but he was interrupted when Aaron actually walked up behind him.

“Thomas! Uh- Hi!” Burr wore a heavy blush and he scratched at the back of his neck.

“So, what the _fuck_ happened Burr?” Thomas sounded a little more angry than he intended to.

“Oh- I’m sorry that so many people saw, we were both kind of _really_ drunk.”

“What did we do?”

“Oh shit, you really don’t remember!,” Aaron let out a genuine chuckle and pulled down his collar, revealing at least a dozen deep purple bruises.

“ _Fuck_ , I- I have to go Aaron,” Thomas sped off without another word, unsure of where he was going or what he was going to do.


	7. To The Four of Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good, pure bonding with Alex, Laf, Herc, and John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The continued support for this fic is _so amazing_ I appreciate every comment I get so don't be shy! You can also message [me on my tumblr!](http://dioptics.tumblr.com/) I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Thomas barged into his dorm room with his chest heaving and his vision blurred with tears. Alexander had dozed off earlier while working on an essay, but he jolted awake when Thomas entered the room.

“Thomas?” Alexander’s sleep filled voice called out from the pile of papers he was buried in.

The only reply he received was Jefferson’s muffled sobs from across the room.

“Hey, Thomas? Uh- What’s wrong?” Hamilton was hesitant to attempt to comfort the man after what happened the last time he did, so, he sat back and hoped that Thomas could calm down by himself.

“Fuck, fuck, _fuck…_ ,” Thomas repeated the word like a mantra in quiet whispers until he remembered that Alexander was there and he had asked him a question. “Uh, Sorry, Alex what’d you say?” The man did his best to wipe away his tears and look his roommate in the eyes.

“U-What’s the matter?”

Thomas went back over everything that happened at the library and Alexander didn’t interrupt once, but as soon as he finished a dozen questions spilled out. _“You said that?!” “Wait, what happened with you and Burr?” “What’d Lee say when he mumbled?”_  Thomas could answer the last one.

“He said that uh-“ Jefferson stopped and turned red when he remembered what Lee actually said.

“He said…?,”Alexander was practically on the edge of his seat and the chair threatened to tip over.

“He said that I was living with one, a faggot,” Thomas’s eyes fell to the floor as he said it.

Alexander sat back and straightened in the char. “Oh, well he’s not completely wrong,” The small man smiled sheepishly.

“What? B-but you’re dating Eliza- I thought..?”

Alexander popped out of the chair and walked over to his bed.

“I also restarted the campus LGBT organization, bisexuals exist you know,” He flashed a grin at a speechless Thomas and pulled out his phone.

“Oh, that’s uh- pretty cool,” Thomas had now regained his composure and was staring up at the ceiling.

The quiet consumed the two men for what seemed like hours to Thomas and only minutes to Alexander, who was now typing his essay on his phone. The silence suddenly vanished when Jefferson cleared his throat.

“I kissed Burr,” Thomas’s words hung in the air between them.

Alexander seemed to be carefully formulating a response in his mind. “Oh- So are you guys like a thing or-“

“I’m not gay!” Thomas was shaking, and the words came out in a strangled howl.

“I’m s-sorry I didn’t-“ Alexander had shrunken into his bed sheets, startled by the volume of Jefferson’s words.

 “Yeah, you don’t know Hamilton. You don’t fucking know me! I love Martha! _I love her!_ Last night was just a drunken mistake!” The Virginian paced across the room, balling and un-balling his fists, tears trailing down his face.

“Martha is gone,” Alexander’s voice was barely audible over Jefferson’s footsteps.

“Excuse me?”

“Thomas, Martha is gone. I know how you feel, but if you don’t accept that, if you don’t move on, you’ll be stuck like this for the rest of your life,” Now Alexander had tears of his own streaming down his cheeks, and he stood face to face with Jefferson.

Thomas paused, uncertain of what to do or what to say. Alexander stood only inches in front of him, shaking with every breath he took. Then, wordlessly, Thomas stooped down to his level and wrapped his arms around the man. The embrace melted the barriers between them, where Alexander’s body stopped and Thomas’s began was undefinable. But, just as suddenly as it had occurred, it stopped.

“Thank you,” Jefferson choked out the words and attempted to wipe the dried tears from his face.

* * *

“Ya, and then he just hugged me!” Alexander wrapped up his story to his group of friends.

Lafayette wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and elbowed Alexander in the side. “Hm, mon ami, sounds like Thomas _a le béguin pour tu.”_

“He does not! We hate each other!” Alexander declared, eliciting a sigh from his French companion.

“Well, _I heard_ , that he has a special someone on the side....” After he received no response from his friends John continued with a groan, “Burr. I’m talking about him and Burr,”

Alexander felt his breath catch in his throat, he had conveniently left out the exact reason _why_ Jefferson had been upset.

“I feel kinda bad for the guy, not great having a bunch of people see your hookup,” Hercules spoke up before Alexander could say anything.

“Woah, this _might_ be a reach but if you _are_ referring to that video of you hitting on that horse as a hookup, just don’t,” John’s anecdote threw the whole group into a laughing fit.

After settling down, Alexander followed with a more serious topic, “So, are we going to that huge protest coming up?”

“Which one was that again?” John asked, fixing his ponytail.

“Ohh, it is the one for sexual assault, no?” Lafayette answered.

“I thought wasn’t for a few months though?” Hercules rose an eyebrow at Hamilton.

“Well, ya but we’ll need to make signs and make sure we have everything else we need and like…” Alexander began to ramble off a list no one was making notes on.

“Alright Alex, we can get to it when the time comes,” John cut in, causing Alexander to turn red with embarrassment.

“Ya, right, sorry,”

“ _Laaaaafffff,_ can we spend the night, _pleaassseee_ ,” Hercules flipped himself into Lafayette’s lap unexpectedly and batted his eyelashes.

“Mm, mon amour, do we not have class in the morning?” Lafayette chided the man in his lap with a soft tap to his nose.

Now, all of the friends were begging the Frenchman for a sleepover.

“But, Gil when even was the last time we all hung out together, it wouldn’t be right to cut it so short,” Alexander added.

“Ya, and we could f-f-freeze if we have to walk home now,” persisted John with an exaggerated shiver.

Finally, Lafayette gave in and the next morning the four best friends found themselves draped over each other, inexplicably covered in star shaped glitter.


	8. A Torrid Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...what the fuck is _The Reynolds Pamphlet?_.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this chapter took so long to get out, but I want to thank everybody for sticking around and being patient with me! Hopefully the next chapters will be up a lot sooner, but in the meantime you can check out my new fic _[To Us](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9556208)_ or [my tumblr](http://dioptics.tumblr.com/) and enjoy this chapter!

It had been two months since Thomas’s drunken encounter with Aaron Burr and things had moved along more normally since then. Thomas had been going to therapy regularly, Martha haunted his dreams less often now, and he’d even begun looking into his feelings towards men, without much progress. Alexander was writing essays at an ever-increasing rate and argued with Thomas whenever he saw the man.

“—No, we _need_ the government!” Alexander was practically pulling his hair out attempting to contain himself.

“What we _need_ is less of it,” Jefferson replied in a calm, even tone.

“We n-, no, actually, I’m just gonna go Thomas,” Alexander took a deep breath and slipped on his shoes.

“See ya.”

Alexander walked down the sidewalk that would take him to Eliza’s house, she’d become a rock for him. She reminded him to take breaks, to go outside, she made him feel lucky to be alive. Once he arrived, he was greeted with Eliza already at the door, saying goodbye to Maria Reynolds.

“Hey Maria!” Alexander saw her most times he showed up to Eliza’s unannounced, so it’d become almost a routine.

Maria offered only a small smile in reply and walked off around the corner.

“Sorry about her Alex,” Eliza looked up to him, her face tinted pink.

“Oh no, it’s fine, how’s my E-liza?” Alexander took her up into his arms.

Eliza pushed herself out of his grasp and took a step back, “I need to talk to you about something.”

Panic filled Alexander, buzzing in every limb, pulsing in his temples, his heart felt as if it would leap out of his chest. He wondered what could be wrong, _was Eliza hurt? Or had something happened to Peggy? To Angelica?_ He situated himself on the couch, bracing himself for bad news while Eliza sat opposite from him, her face unreadable.

“Alexander,” She took a deep breath and a long pause before continuing. “I love you, I think that you know that.”

Alexander could hear his heartbeat in his ears, a beat accompanying her melodic words.

“But, I don't love you like you love me. I-I can't.”

* * *

 

Thomas Jefferson was just leaving the therapy session he had every Sunday at 2 pm. He had talked about his sexuality, how he felt towards men, the feelings scared him. Now, Thomas was heading back to his dorm, hoping that Alexander hadn’t yet returned.

The first thing Thomas saw when he opened the door wasn't Alexander, it was a Word document titled _The Reynolds Pamphlet,_ left open on Alexander's laptop. Jefferson strode closer and began reading, it was definitely Alexander's writing, he could tell that from the first sentence, “ _I owe perhaps to my former lover an apology condescending to give a public exposé.”_

“An exposé?,” Jefferson wondered out loud before continuing further.

_“My charges against her are a connection with one Maria Reynolds for purposes of an amorous relationship.”_

The essay went on, trashing Eliza, accusing Maria. Thomas had never seen Alexander use his talent for writing in such a malicious way. He said that he loved Eliza. _How could he be so ungrateful?_ Thomas rushed out of the dorm, determined to find Hamilton and get to the bottom of the situation.

* * *

 

Hamilton paced, tears brimming in his eyes and his hands balled into fists. _How could they do this?_ He ran his fingers through his long, knotted hair, hoping somehow to push the memory of the events from earlier out of his head.

_“What do you mean you can’t love me?”_

_“I'm sorry, Alexander, I am. I just-,” Eliza’s apology was cut off suddenly._

_“You're sorry?,” Alexander spat out the words. “All you can say is sorry and I don't even know what's going on!”_

_“I can't love you because I don't like men,” Eliza words came out as a barely audible whisper._

_“You what?”_

_“Just Maria being over all the time- it just made me realize and- I’m sorry Alexander, I am. But, I just can't love you- that way at least, and it's not fair to you and I'm so so sorry-,” Eliza rambled, attempting to find an explanation that would soothe Alexander._

_“Stop Eliza, just stop,” Hamilton sighed and walked closer to Eliza. “It's okay, it’s fine Eliza.”_

It wasn't fine, not to Alexander, but he coddled her anyways. Just to make her calm down, to make her believe that everything was fine. But now, he was waiting for the printer to spit out 100 copies of _The Reynolds Pamphlet._ He would print more later of course, and post it online, but for now he'd wait. He'd wait hours if that was what it took to expose Eliza, to humiliate her as much as she had humiliated him, to make her feel the-

“Hamilton,” Thomas stomped over to Alexander. “What in the _hell_ are you doing?”

“None of your business, Jefferson, just go back to the dorm or something.”

“I was just there, what the fuck is _The Reynolds Pamphlet?_ Why would you say those things about Eliza?” Jefferson huffed out the words, towering over Alexander.

“You don't understand Thomas, just _leave me alone.”_

“You're right for once Alex, I don't understand. I don't understand why you, a proud bisexual man, are so mad about Eliza being gay. I mean- that's what's going on right? I don't understand how you could take for granted the love you have for each other and- and say those things,” Tears began to sting in the corners of Jefferson’s eyes, threatening to soon spill out.

“She started this she-she's why this is all happening sh- it's her fault,” Alexander’s rambling became incoherent, a mess of words interrupted by occasional choked sobs.

“I would give _anything_ ,” Thomas started in a low voice. “ _Anything_ , to have Martha back. Even if she wouldn't speak to me, even if I couldn't _see_ her, even if she was gay. I would do anything to have her back and here you are, doing everything in your power to separate you and Eliza. _Why?”_

The calmness of Thomas's voice and the weight of the question consumed Alexander. He collapsed into Jefferson’s arms, sobs came in waves through his body, his tiny frame giving way to being held by the Virginian.

“I love her Thomas,” Alexander gasped out between cries.

“I know, and she loves you,” Thomas cooed, running his fingers through Alexander’s long, knotted hair.

Thomas felt for Alexander, the man believed that he had lost his love. Thomas wanted to be there for him, yet despite that desire to help, he couldn't stop the nagging, knotted up feeling in his stomach.


	9. Chapter 9 Preview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A preview of Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I just want to say how much I truly appreciate the support and patience you all have been giving me,, hopefully at some point I will have a regular update schedule for you all, but for now enjoy this very small preview of the next chapter!!

Alexander had barely left the dorm room since Eliza’s confession. He went to class and came right back to the dorm room. He hardly spoke to anyone, even Laf, Herc, and John. Thomas couldn't even get him to argue with him. It was like he was dead, an empty shell of who he had been just a few weeks ago. He had stopped eating too, his cheeks had begun to slim and his clothes seemed to get baggier every day. It was sad, pathetic, and Thomas was officially done with Hamilton’s shit...


End file.
